The Student News Site of North Carolina A&T State University

The A&T Register

The Student News Site of North Carolina A&T State University

The A&T Register

The Student News Site of North Carolina A&T State University

The A&T Register

Toxic Masculinity

By Tishawna Williams, online editor

Women deal with sexism and misogyny on a daily basis. From strangers who think they can tell you when to smile to songs we hear on the radio. No matter if you are gay or straight, the world is a tough place for a woman.

Thus, one thing must be made clear, men are not the only group that is misogynistic. Some lesbians are misogynistic, typically those who identify themselves as dominant.

I witnessed lesbian misogyny firsthand last year. I was at Dave & Buster’s with some friends and I overheard a stud catcalling at a femme.

At first I did not think anything of it. Until the stud started tried to convince the femme to go home with her. When the femme refused, the stud cursed her out, calling her out of her name and saying she did not want her anyway.

I could not help but wonder why a woman was using such extreme actions of sexism and misogyny towards another woman. It still doesn’t make any sense to me.

As I started becoming more comfortable with myself as a dominant lesbian, I began noticing a cycle of misogyny. Some dominant women who like other women often display toxic masculine behavior. For instance, like insulting femmes who do not desire to give out their numbers, objectifying a femme’s body, or even undermining a femme’s sexuality.

I read an article that suggested femmes may feel vulnerable when sharing a space with a “butch” woman whose identity is smothered with misogyny. Don’t get me wrong, this is not the kind of behavior all dominant lesbians exhibit and there is nothing problematic with being a dominant. I identify as a dominant myself; however, some lesbians who adopt masculine traits or appearances can also perpetuate toxic masculine behavior.

Thus, even with my research, I still do not understand why this happens in the lesbian community. Also, I worry my identity as a dominant lesbian may give me a stereotype of automatically being labelled as misogynistic by other lesbians.

I have realized in our society that femininity is often frowned upon and punished. Femme lesbians are not exempt from discrimination from their non-femme counterparts. The femme sexualities and identities are constantly being disrespected.

There is nothing wrong with desiring a femme in a sexual way, but there’s a difference between desire and objectification. There is a thin line between flattery and being disrespectful, but it is your responsibility to make the judgement call.

Being misogynous is not attractive. Objectifying her is not admiring her, being possessive over her does not show commitment, and using your identity as an excuse for these actions is not acceptable. If a femme calls you out for this behavior, be respectful and listen to her. If she

declines to get to know you then still show respect towards her and go on about your day. You are a woman just as she is. Try to see where she is coming from.

I identify as a dominant, and I try to be respectful and careful when it comes to approaching a femme. You can be empowered without using the power of your identity to hurt other people. Our masculinity does not have to turn femmes into objects.

There is nothing wrong with being confident in your sexuality. However, you do not have to use your sexuality and masculinity in a negative way by downplaying non-masculine females.

As a community, we have to do better. We must be better.

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