Valentine’s Day, a day that was designed to recognize the one you love has been a dreadful experience for many single girls such as myself. A day meant for an overall celebration of love and happiness for all has been monopolized by society, concluding that one must have a significant other in order to enjoy the day.

As a single person, I have experienced  the process in which one subconsciously thinks of the possibility of getting a card that reads “from your secret admirer” or an “I will always love you.”  When your subconscious is wrong, you create a plan B. Plan B usually consists of pampering yourself with the necessities that you would want your lover to do. These activities are followed by the stereotypical activity of eating a tub of ice cream and watching the “Notebook.”

From the time of grade school when everyone’s mother went out and purchased the 24-pack of Valentine’s Day cards to pass out in class, I have been anticipating a secret letter that read, “ From your Secret Admirer.” Of course that did not happen! The closest thing to a Valentine that I have ever experienced was my freshman year in high school. At lunch, my friends got three guys to each give me a dollar because I was the only “loser” without a boyfriend. I was without a boyfriend still but I was three dollars richer so I guess that was cool! Now that I look back on it, was being single on Valentines Day a result of needing charity? My junior year of high school is when I realized that I officially hated Valentine’s Day. It was after I made a homemade card to the best of my non-artistic abilities for my high school “boo” and at the end of the card I wrote: “Be my Novio?” (Boyfriend) like the Spanish champ I was. Not only did my card fall apart by the time I gave it to him, but he ate the candy that was attached and told me “no” in English.

    Although we all have different Valentine’s Day tragedies, I am sure some of us can relate to feeling rejected. I am not saying that every woman needs or desires to have a valentine but we certainly would not be upset if a person who we were interested in took the initiative to pursue us.

    Last year, I just knew I was over the idea of a valentine. I wrote an article about fun and quirky things to do as a couple and as a single. As a current single woman, I planned to implement my teachings. After hours of waiting, I figured my surprise valentine should have come, but he did not. Since I was alone, I decided to make myself dinner, took the hottest bubble bath of my life, and curled in bed and listened to Shirley Murdock come clean about her affair in “As We Lay.”

Yeah, I was definitely over it. The point was to “pamper” myself but I was doing the exact plans that I secretly daydreamed of “my man” doing, which only caused me to dwell on how lonely I felt. I concluded that my issue, as well as a lot of females that I have conversed with was confidence. I did not have enough confidence to accept me and be comfortable with the idea of being by myself. Who said Valentine’s Day required a boyfriend or male figure?

    Over the past year I have learned a valuable lesson; self-love and confidence is the most important thing in any relationship. The first relationship you should be eager to get in is the one with yourself. If you do not have balance in with yourself first other people will either not be enough or will be overbearing.

The overall point to Valentine’s Day was to show appreciation and gratitude to the one or ones you love. Although society has created a stereotype that Valentine’s Day was only designed for couples to celebrate, it is time to redesign the overall meaning.

I encourage all my single folk who can relate to the feeling of neglect on this day to redesign the meaning of Valentine’s Day to fit their wants and needs. Do something you love and enjoy doing whether it is giving back to your community or indulging yourself into your favorite hobby. If you want to go out and have fun, do so! Plan a gathering for singles only and network. If you do something exhilarating and fun your confidence is bound to explode. But whatever you do, do not throw a pity party for you and your miserable friends. Misery loves company and the two together are not cute. After all no one can boost your confidence and love you better than you.

—Email Meagan at [email protected] and follow her on Twitter @itsme_agannn

• Meagan Jordan