Check your grill

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Recently, two friends of mine had a conversation with me about another of my friends in the cafe. Because I wanted to clear up any misconceptions that they had about each other, I addressed the third person to let her know what was said and ask her if she had any problems with the other two. 

Once all of us were able to sit down together I offered everyone an opportunity to speak and address any issues that they had with each other. 

The first two declined to say anything, which frustrated my other friend and eventually led to a verbal altercation between all four of us.

Apparently, the other two were afraid to speak directly to the third person of the group and they simply felt I was trying to instigate a fight.

Personally, I feel as though the first group should have addressed the second group in the first place if they felt there was a problem.  I didn’t want to be the mouthpiece and start the classic “he said, she said” routine, but when something isn’t taken to the source that’s generally what happens.  For the most part, I would assume that none of my friends has any particular issue with me, but if no one comes to me, how else would I know and what can be done about it otherwise?

It seems like close to the end of each semester, and especially around the end of a school year, people usually have the biggest falling outs with their friends or in their relationships.  Those trios of friends you see every day tend to become duos by the next semester you see them, and that couple you see eating lunch together all the time are now seen individually on a regular basis, possibly avoiding each other by the start of next school year. 

Generally, the beginning of a problem and the resolution to a problem will start with communication.

If no one is willing to speak up then nothing will get done, but if you allow for an issue to get to the point where someone else has to speak for you, then it’s no one else’s fault except your own if the situation escalates to something else out of a “he said, she said”. I’m no sociology major or counselor, but it has been said that the success of any relationship, whether it be family relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships, starts with communication.

Starting with accountability and confidence, it’s always best to make sure you mean what you say and say what you mean, and that’s all I’m saying. 

  • Marcus Thompson