These days it is becoming increasingly more difficult to please a black woman. Many of them have been seen as needy, loud, selfish, rude, and have no idea how to truly satisfy the needs of a black man.

Yet in the same breath, it is nearly impossible to truly satisfy the needs and wants of a black man, especially one with the mentality of an 18-23 year old. Because although many of us complain about black women, too many of our black men are too lazy to actually put in the time that is needed to help make a relationship grow.

In addition to that, too many of our black men, educated or not, are too busy thinking with the wrong head when it comes to dealing with females. Although this is our fault, black women are just as much to blame because many of you continue to let yourself “express your love” through sex and submission.

I have said it before, and I will say it again; too many of our black women have become used to being the boo and not the girlfriend. Regardless if you are a 4.0 student or a high school dropout, black women have slowly, but surely, gone from being wife material, to lonely bitter woman material.

The problem many women face is not that you are too strong. However, the problem is that many of you have become too weak to the games men play. Your fear of being alone has become more and more publicized, which show us that you much rather be unhappy in a relationship than being patient and alone.

This in turn allows you to let any man walk in and out of your life as freely as he pleases. The result of this creates a new generation of bitter black women with an internal hatred for all black men.

So, as previously stated, the problem with black women is not completely their fault. The problem with black women, black relationships, and black families as a whole is a lack of strong-minded black men.

Black men have gone from being the head of the house, and the head of society, to now expecting for black women to cater to them just because it is hard in this world.

Yes, I will admit that it is hard out here for a black man. Yes, America will not give us any breaks. Yes, I know black men have to do twice the work of a white man just to receive half of what he deserves.

However, the fact of the matter is too many of us are still behaving as high school and middle school boys instead of the men we should be growing into.

No woman expects us to be perfect. However we act as if it is blasphemy for a woman to actually have standards and requirements for men to meet.

Day after day more black women are graduating, getting their Ph. D, moving up in society, and basically becoming stronger individuals and raising their quality of living.

However, when they raise their standards for men, too many men are lazy and see these standards as an impossible to meet.

God forbid a woman not wanting a man who is going to cheat on her and opt out of doing something with himself. What gives her the nerve to expect for a man to provide for her and treat her right?

Our lack of commitment has not only forced us to forget what our job is as men, but it has also forced women to not be able to tell which men are good and which men are not worth the time of day. Which ultimately makes us all unhappy.

Why do we expect women to clean, cook, and cater to us, when we rarely do the little things that they need for a man to do?

If you expect to have a five star woman, why do you not feel the need to try and be a five star man?

The issue with black relationships goes deeper than being lonely during your later years in life. The issue comes in when we are dealing with single parent homes. The issues come in when we are having boys be raised by women. The issues come in when we have two 15-year-old children attempting to raise a child just because neither of them could wait until they were old enough and ready.

The destruction of the black family is going on right now. For if we pick up these bad habits today, imagine how it will affect us tomorrow.

I could go on and on about why relationships no longer work but at the end of the day the responsibility falls back on both men and women.

Men, stop lying down with a woman just because the opportunity is there.

If the girl has no substance there is nothing wrong with simply walking away and finding a girl that does.

And women stop thinking that changing a man has to be your life goal. Building upon and supporting his greatness should be your only objective. If he is no good when you meet him, chances are he will be no good 10 years from now if you let him have his way all the time.

For if we continue to misuse, abuse, and mislead each other, then we will continue to be a race of fatherlessness and hopelessness.

• TRUMAINE MCCASKILL