No relationship is perfect. Anyone who has been in one can tell you that. Good, long lasting relationships take work. That is something I believe many people today have forgotten with divorce suits being filed left and right. Every relationship has its specific challenge, but there are a few common ones that a lot of couples go through. I went around polling different couples to find out what the top challenges were and how they went about combating them. Here’s what I found:
1. Communication
Most people will agree that communication is one of if not the most important things in a relationship. Ironically enough, it is also one of, if not the hardest, things to master in a relationship because you have two different people from two different backgrounds trying to find common ground in something that is already innate in us by the time we start dating.
Personally, I always struggle with communication in the beginning of a relationship because its the time where you are still getting to know each other in these new roles as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” It’s important to learn your partner’s expectations and needs when it comes to communication and care enough to meet and fulfill them. And vice versa. A lot of the time we know what our partner’s triggers are but choose to push them when we’re angry, but what does that really solve? Was it really worth it after a long drawn out argument and then all you may have to do to get back in the other persons favor?
For example one girlfriend admits to shutting her boyfriend out when she’s angry. But not allowing him to speak to her or explain only prolongs the issue versus solving it. She also may spend time being mad about nothing without even knowing it.
In another relationship the boyfriend said that for a while he never realized that his girlfriend couldn’t emotionally handle the way he spoke to her in arguments. Her sensitivity surprised him because she was such a strong person in every other aspect. But once she was able to put her pride aside and admit it, he was aware and they began to handle their problems much better versus it turning into a big argument because they were hurting each others feelings. As the old saying goes, “communication is key.”
2. Priorities
A lot of issues can be lumped under priorities which is why it made this list. Sometimes one of the toughest adjustments is rearranging your priorities once you enter a relationship. When you are single all you have to worry about is how you want to schedule your work load, family, friends, school, free time, etc. Once you are in a relationship, time management is taken to another level. You have to decide as a couple where your relationship falls on your list of priorities. Couples did agree however, that a good partner will force you to put them before things like school or family, but support you while you handle those aspects of your life. That being said, it is important that you give your partner time.
A common priority struggle for men tends to be going out with their “boys” versus spending time with their girl. One boyfriend shared how he handles that specific problem, “Even though I often find myself having to choose between hanging out with the guys or hanging out with my girl, a lot of the time I chose my girl because she is my best friend. That’s why I think its important to date someone who’s your best friend because it’ll be natural for you to want to spend majority of your time with them.”
3. Trust
Trust is probably one of the hardest issues to overcome, mostly because it is a pretty cut and dry issue. I couldn’t be in a relationship where there is no trust because I can’t be that girl whose checking your phone, twatching your every tweet, checking your Facebook inbox, following your every move, etc. That’s all too exhausting and frankly its unhealthy.
The easiest example to go to for trust is cheating. A lot of the couples agreed that cheating is the most selfish and fatal things a person can do to their relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, the choice to stay or leave is a personal one but if you do chose to stay therapists agree that it is vital to let it go once you forgive your partner. If you constantly throw it in their face or refuse to give them your full trust again, the relationship will continue to suffer.
To those who have a problem staying faithful, here’s some advice from a someone who used to suffer with that same problem, “Take things day by day. It was hard for me to look at the whole year because 365 days is a long time, but when I take it day by day it doesn’t seem as daunting. Soon days turned into weeks that turned into months that turned into a year.”
4. Sex
Sex is a lot like communication. It’s important to learn your partner’s expectations and needs and care enough to meet and fulfill them. And vice versa. Whether its how often, where, what kind, etc., everyone has different preferences when it comes to sex. The couples all felt like when it comes to sex, a compromise needs to be meet. “It’s important for both sexual desires to be met, but its also important to not let the sex drive the relationship,” said one girlfriend. She also added that contraception shouldn’t be a compromise, it needs to used, unless you both want to get pregnant. “You may need to reevaluate the relationship if one person feels otherwise,” she adds.
5. Friends
When it comes to involving other people in your relationship the solution is easy, don’t do it. It’s ok to vent to close friends from time to time or get an outside perspective, especially if there’s a serious issue. However, most of the time you know when you should leave before anyone else even tells you. So the problem comes when you put another persons perspective above the ones that matter; you and your partner. Also, don’t put your problems all over Facebook and Twitter because at the end of the day that makes you look stupid. Handle your problems with the one who can fix it.
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- Sylvia Obell, Managing Editor