Cabbage Soup, South Beach, Atkins, Sugar Busters, Scarsdale, Three Day, Seven Day-All-You-Can-Eat, One Good Meal, Metabolism, Russian Air Force, Jump Start, and Grape Fruit/Fruit Juice. Surly you are familiar with one of the diets listed.

Being fit is no longer a goal you choose to aspire for, instead it is being maliciously imposed into everyday life by dieticians, trainers, and would you believe the fast-food establishments; who where the number one culprit in the horizontal expansion of America.

I am so sick of going into restaurants and seeing the Atkins approved menu. Who gave the restaurant the right to substitute my twice-backed potato with sour cream and bacon bits (which is an Atkins approved item) with bland steamed summer squash and broccoli.

What I hate the most is the little fact sheet that comes in the menu that is intended to “inform” you about the consequences of eating food high in carbs. “Inform, my ass,” they try to instigate a guilt trip into eating healthy.

The next time a waiter suggest an Atkins approved substitution I am going to “inform” him on the health ramifications of me shoving that nasty, dry, vegetable substitute up his ( use your imagination to fill in the rest of the sentence) Restaurants make there money on the taste of the consumers and if the consumers want a “healthy alternative” well then the restaurant has to cater to them.

But let’s look at the idea of healthy alternatives. What is healthy about a 16 ounce (or one pound for those who can’t do conversions) steak. Everyone is so conscience about eating a piece of bread. Bread is filling. Better to eat an 8 ounce steak and a dinner roll than a 1 pound fire-grilled heart attack on a plate.

It is absolutely fine to offer an alternative but do it only at the request of the patron. I can do without a pale, pimpled-faced, waiter telling me that there is a low carb sweet potato French-fry option.It is okay for fine dining restaurants to have options, even the not so fine dining establishments, but it is not okay for fast-food restaurants to have a no-carb option.

Let’s analyze. A large burger form a popular restaurant has a 1,400 calorie and 107 grams of fat. Wrapping that burger in a low-carb whole wheat tortilla is not going to make that burger any healthier.No one wants a taco in a whole wheat shell. The reason people go to fast-food franchises is to instantly receive and eat unhealthy, high-in-fat foods.

We go to Cookout for that hotdog, Cookout Style with onions, chili and slaw. We could care less about a calorie or carb. It is about the taste and the price. It is an instantly gratifying treat for cheap. And it is even better in a tray with double season fries and a huge sweet tea with enough sugar to cause instant stage two diabetes.

If you want to eat healthy go to a grocery store, buy some lettuce and Newman’s Original low-fat dressing and make your self a salad. After you make your salad and eat it I pray you don’t choke on those oh-so-healthy pesticides they spray on every veggie in the Western Hemisphere. Let me eat my high-carb Home Style Spicy Chicken Sandwich value meal in peace.

• Brett Harrington