(ARA) – Any single woman who wants to find a loving, lasting relationship with a man is faced with an endless supply of advice – and much of it is conflicting. Does she follow the traditional approach and let him lead the relationship, or does she take the initiative to get the commitment she wants? Just what is it that makes a man commit?

“While an initial spark is all it takes for a man to ask you out, there needs to be something more for him to want to commit to you exclusively,” says relationship coach Rori Raye. Raye’s best-selling eBook “Have The Relationship You Want” explains how a woman can actually inspire a man toward commitment.

She shares her top five guidelines women should follow if they want a man to initiate a commitment:

1. Don’t keep bringing up the “commitment” discussion.

Women who are used to being assertive and who value open, honest communication

may think that having “the talk” with a man is a sensible way to approach commitment.

But Raye says that pressuring a man to talk about this sensitive subject can backfire – even if he was on the verge of committing all on his own. She warns women that they can actually dampen a man’s desire to be romantic since he wants to feel like commitment is his idea.

2. Don’t try convincing him

A woman who is ready to commit may try to explain to a man all the reasons why they should take the relationship to the next level. But men and women move toward commitment at different speeds, Raye says, and trying to reason with him can actually sabotage your aims. “The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple,” she says, “the more he feels cornered and manipulated.”

3. Do share your good feelings

A woman who wants a commitment can use communication to her advantage by letting a man know how he makes her feel. Laying a strong foundation of positive feelings encourages a man to take the necessary steps to ensure his partner remains at his side. “By sharing your feelings, you allow him to connect to you and the positive experience you are sharing,” Raye says. “It makes him feel good that he makes you feel good, and he’ll want more of that good stuff.”

4. Do say what you want – with or without him

Instead of trying to convince him to commit, a woman should share what she wants for her future. Raye offers this example: “I don’t want to put pressure on the relationship. I don’t want to try to convince you or rush you. It feels good to be with you, but I know I want to have a family someday. What do you think?” When a man sees that a woman is committed to herself and her dreams – with or without him – his appreciation for her will grow, as will his desire to create that future with her.

5. Do keep your options open

Raye strongly encourages her clients and readers to keep dating until they have the commitment they’re after. “The key to making a man want you all to himself is to be the woman who loves him but doesn’t need him,” offers Raye. “When he senses that he’s very lucky to have you, he’ll be motivated to seal the deal before another guy gets there first.”

Raye shares more advice about commitment and other relationship topics in her newsletter, and on the website www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com.